Choosing Words Wisely

One of the first skills you're taught as counselor is learning how to reflect back to the person to show that you're listening. Listening is really one of the building blocks of any relationship. Everyone wants to feel listened to, cared about, and understood. One way we're taught to show that we're listening and care about what they're saying is to make simple reflections back to them.

It's not as easy as it seems at first. A lot of times when we talk to others we jump in with our own stories or bring it back to ourselves. Everyone loves talking about themselves. But to sit back and listen then try to sum up their whole story in a sentence? It can be hard. And it takes practice. 

But when someone is able to and it really sums up the core of the story? It can be powerful.

I learned that first hand. A couple of months ago, I was cooking dinner with my mom and I was just ranting. Ranting about anything and everything, ranting about how unjust the world was, how people should treat me better, you name it, I was ranting about it. And my mom just let me talk and she patiently listened. And then she turned and looked at me and said "Are you missing your brother lately?" 

Six words. And that was it. I cried and sobbed and admitted that deep down that was the problem. I didn't realize it but at the time I was focusing all of my irritation on trivial things when deep down it was about my brother. 

If my mom had just jumped in or tried to solve my problem, I probably would have never figured out what was bothering me and it would have just eaten me up some more. Instead she just sat back listened and realized that all of my issues and frustrations circled around my brother. 

I'm so thankful for that conversation. Not only for the catharsis it provided but also for the reminder. To always choose my words wisely. And to always sit back and truly listen to the other person. Give them some of my time to cry, vent, rant, complain or tell a happy story and then to try to pick a sentence or two that sums it up. It's just another way to let someone know that you care for them and care for what they have to say. That sentence or two may be just what the person needed to hear.