And all of them have served their purpose. Most of you know I'm not a big talker. Mainly because I can't verbally express all of the feelings and thoughts I have in a way that I feel portrays them accurately. So I found different ways to express the feelings bottling up inside of me. In the first few months after losing Tyler, I was so angry at everything. I knew I needed to punch something so I got some MMA type gloves and a punching shield thing (Sorry I'm not up on my MMA terminology). I got my dad to hold the shield while I literally beat the crap of it for as long as I physically could. On intensely sad days, I would paint. On days I felt inspired, I would write. And my counselor helped me along the way. I would trust myself and what I needed to do and I started feeling better. I grew. I processed my grief and while it's always going to be a journey, I'm a lot closer than where I was.
So let's flash forward to the past couple of months. I'm busy. Very very busy. My evenings are booked up and I have one day off a week. I also got diagnosed with Celiac disease (yay genetics) and have been attempting to make that lifestyle change. And while, I feel like I finally have a good grasp on my schedule, I can tell you truthfully that a lot of times I feel drained. But in the midst of all the craziness, I inadvertently found a new therapy for this season in my life. I started exercising.
Before I would drag my butt to the gym mainly because I knew I should. But for the past couple of months, there has been a shift. It's no longer a chore but an excitement. I know that I'm about to carve out an hour for myself just to let my mind rest. Maybe I've started enjoying it more because I can channel all of my frustration and anxiety into exercise rather than letting it bottle up. Maybe I also enjoy feeling strong and in control when the rest of my life feels a little chaotic right now. Whatever the reason, I'm thankful because I know it has helped me find balance and peace during a time of change and hectic-ness.
Now don't worry, this isn't going to turn into a blog where I post selfies of me flexing in the mirror or posting my workout of the day. (I'm terrible at taking selfies and am pretty clueless of the new "it" workout.)But I will encourage you to go and find your own type of therapy. Maybe it's actual counseling, exercising, or coffee with a friend. We're all living our own story and are in different seasons of life. So trust your gut and most importantly, take care of yourself.
