Can't Never Could

The other day I was watching So You Think You Can Dance with my mom. It is one of our all time favorite shows mainly because we both used to dance. During a commercial break I got up to go get a snack and of course, inspired by what I just watched, I kicked my leg up in the air on the way out. And then I giggled because it was horrendous. I looked over to my mom and said, "I wish I had been better at dance." She looked me square in the eyes and said, "You could have. You just didn't care enough to try  harder."

Whoa. After swallowing down my initial response of "Nuh-uh! I did too care!!" (Maturity at its finest) I realized she was absolutely right (as usual). I danced from when I was 5-18 but I just went to the classes three days of week and that was it. I didn't practice at home. I didn't beg to go up to the studio to get extra lessons. I didn't do any of it.

Then it made me wonder...what else I did I just give up on because I wasn't naturally good at it or didn't care enough to try to be good at it? I realized that I have a really strong work ethic when it comes to school or my future career plans. I'm a Type A overachiever but when it comes to hobbies I'm notorious for just not caring enough to try harder.

Looking around my house I realize I have a half-finished quilt that I quit because I can't sew in a straight line (straight lines & I don't get along), swimming gear for when that was going to be my new workout routine, a tennis racket, boxing gloves (no joke), a calorie counter that I have yet to use on my phone for when I wanted to drop a couple of pounds, and a training plan on how to train for a 10k sitting on my desk gathering dust, just to name a few. Now maybe I just channel so much energy into work and school that I don't have a lot to give for hobbies or maybe I just haven't found anything I enjoy enough to keep working at it. But realistically, all of those things take discipline and practice.

I think it's very easy for me when I hit a speed bump or it gets to be challenging to say forget it and try to move on to something else. It also made me realize that in some areas of my life I need to strengthen my work ethic a little more. Just because natural God-given abilities don't fall into my lap the first time I try something doesn't mean I should just give up because I'm not good at it anyways. Who knows, I could have missed out on some stories and adventures just because I didn't care enough to pursue it. I think it will make me more well-rounded to have a hobby I truly enjoy and care about so the next time someone asks me what I like to do for fun I can give a definitive answer. Not just "Uh, shopping? Yoga sometimes? Golfing occasionally... Different things..."
 If I want to try something new bad enough I shouldn't let anything get in my way especially myself.

So a resolution for myself: Find something I truly enjoy doing and don't give up on it.

"You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period." 
-Pursuit of Happynes 

Quote Tuesday

Not a very catchy title but since I've been writing papers for school it has sucked all my creative juices out of me and I'm currently feeling a little uninspired. I'm going to have to work on that.

A few posts ago, I posted about Tecumseh's poem and I related it to how certain quotes can just jump out at us and I encouraged y'all to see what quotes were inspiring y'all lately.

So today I thought I would share the ones that jumped out at me this past week that are significant to me and where I am at. Funny ones and all. If you follow me on Pinterest these will look familiar.

Gilmore Girls is my all time favorite show.

I could probably write a paragraph over each one of these quotes and why I love them but I'm not going to! I'll attempt to sum it up. I'm feeling a little sassy, silly, adjusting to a new schedule and trying to not let it overwhelm me, and continuing on making my journey a meaningful one.

I promise I'll follow up later this week with a more in depth post!

Happy Tuesday!

Choosing Words Wisely

One of the first skills you're taught as counselor is learning how to reflect back to the person to show that you're listening. Listening is really one of the building blocks of any relationship. Everyone wants to feel listened to, cared about, and understood. One way we're taught to show that we're listening and care about what they're saying is to make simple reflections back to them.

It's not as easy as it seems at first. A lot of times when we talk to others we jump in with our own stories or bring it back to ourselves. Everyone loves talking about themselves. But to sit back and listen then try to sum up their whole story in a sentence? It can be hard. And it takes practice. 

But when someone is able to and it really sums up the core of the story? It can be powerful.

I learned that first hand. A couple of months ago, I was cooking dinner with my mom and I was just ranting. Ranting about anything and everything, ranting about how unjust the world was, how people should treat me better, you name it, I was ranting about it. And my mom just let me talk and she patiently listened. And then she turned and looked at me and said "Are you missing your brother lately?" 

Six words. And that was it. I cried and sobbed and admitted that deep down that was the problem. I didn't realize it but at the time I was focusing all of my irritation on trivial things when deep down it was about my brother. 

If my mom had just jumped in or tried to solve my problem, I probably would have never figured out what was bothering me and it would have just eaten me up some more. Instead she just sat back listened and realized that all of my issues and frustrations circled around my brother. 

I'm so thankful for that conversation. Not only for the catharsis it provided but also for the reminder. To always choose my words wisely. And to always sit back and truly listen to the other person. Give them some of my time to cry, vent, rant, complain or tell a happy story and then to try to pick a sentence or two that sums it up. It's just another way to let someone know that you care for them and care for what they have to say. That sentence or two may be just what the person needed to hear.

Don't be like the rest of them, darling.

Today I was sitting in my Family Therapy class lamenting the fact it was Monday already and that I had to spend five hours in one class. We were discussing a theory started by a man named Murray Bowen. I had taken a whole class over this theory so I'll admit to the fact that I was day-dreaming and doodling as well as listening. It's graduate-itis I'm telling ya! Anyways, on the powerpoint was this quote by Bowen and I had never read it before and absolutely love it. 

“These are my beliefs and convictions.  This is what I am, and who I am, and what I will do, or not do.  The basic self may be changed from within self on the basis of new knowledge and experience.  The basic self is not negotiable in the relationship system in that it is not changed by coercion or pressure, or to gain approval, or enhance one’s stand with others.” 

From: “The Anonymous Paper ” by Murray Bowen, M.D. 1967 (in Family Therapy in Clinical Practice, Chapter 21)

How great is that? It was such a good reminder for me. It is also something I've tried really hard to work on lately. I feel as though I am at the age where I am figuring out what my beliefs are and what I will stand up for and who I truly am and who I want to be. So I try and live like that. (Key word being "try")

I'm not going to lie though, at times it can be hard to stay true to myself. It can feel like I'm swimming against the current. We live in a world full of new information that can challenge your beliefs and with people who can challenge or pressure you to change (sometimes without even realizing it).  It is so easy for me to slip back into caring too much about what people think about me. I'll post this status so people can see how witty I am, I'll buy those pants so  people can see how fashionable I am, I won't speak up even though I disagree so that I won't upset someone. 

The feelings I get though when I realize that I didn't stay true to myself? Disappointment and guilt. Although in the moment it can be incredibly hard to stay strong and stick up for myself those times that I do I've found that there are people out there who love me for me and will understand. It's also part of me loving myself flaws and all.  And that's a wonderful feeling. 

So I encourage you, go out and discover your beliefs and your convictions. Find out who you truly want to be and stand firm. We don't need to all be exactly like everyone else. We were all created to be unique and I truly believe that is what makes this world such a beautiful place.

Getting Creative.

If you know me, you know I'm not the most artistically talented person on the planet. I'm also insanely jealous of the people who are. I would give anything to sit down and be able to do a craft on pinterest neatly or draw. But the one thing I would give anything to be able to do is paint. I'm not sure if it's the medium that I think would be relaxing or the feeling of freedom of just creating.

Around October of last year, I had all of these feelings but I couldn't find a way to express them. I tried to journal like I usually did when I was upset but I just couldn't put it into words. So that nixed really talking about it to other people as well. One day, I was just sitting around and got a huge urge to paint. I just had a feeling that if I painted, I would be able to express myself.

But then the negative self talk happened. "You can't do that." "You've never been good at art, why do you think this would help you now?" "You'll try then you will feel stupid afterwards." It went on and on. So I didn't paint for a couple of weeks. I was embarrassed I even wanted to try. Then I got up the nerve to talk to my counselor about it and she really encouraged me to try. So I bought some paint and a notepad and tried.

The result? Well, I'm no Monet and my artwork will not make a debut anytime soon but I felt better. I expressed myself in a way that helped to heal my broken heart. And not only that, I did something for me not worrying about what anyone else thought about it. As I continued to paint, I continued to heal. I started to accept myself and started to trust my gut and know what's best for me. It helped me to love me for me bad painting skills and all.

During that time, my right brain wasn't cutting it for me. I had to find a way to express myself before all my emotions just ate me up. So I listened to my gut and tried something out of the ordinary. I will probably keep that notepad of mediocre paintings forever because it began my healing process and my journey of discovering myself and who I wanted to be and for that I will always be grateful.

What have you been wanting to try lately but have been holding yourself back from? What has your gut been telling you lately? It might be time to listen.

What my pets have taught me about life.

So lately I feel like I'm bordering on sounding semi-preachy which I would never want to do and was not the intention of this blog! I never want to appear like I'm up on my high horse telling everybody what they should do. Ever. So I'm sorry if it has come across that way in the least. My true purpose is to share stories and my experiences as I'm going through a period of growth in my life.

So I decided to do a light hearted post today. A few weeks back I posted an article from Real Simple where readers submitted what their pets taught them about life. The thing is though, I never shared what my pets have taught me! And I'm sure all of you know that I'm absolutely crazy about all of my dogs. So here it goes.

Meet Gretchen:

Gretchen is my very first dog ever. We got her when I was in the 7th grade. She is a 12 year old mini schnauzer. We usually find Gretchen sitting in the dining room keeping watch on the front yard. She is fiercely protective. She is a beautiful dog and very prissy. She is also the alpha female of all the dogs. They know not to mess with her. Gretchen has some slipped discs in her back but she never lets them get her down (except when she doesn't get to go on walks that makes her MAD). Gretchen has taught me a lot about life. I learned how to care for another being. More importantly though Gretchen has shown me that even when you're hurt you can bounce back no matter how old you are. Also, that family is worth protecting, greeting, and showing your love to even if they were only gone ten minutes.

Meet Chrissy:

Chrissy is our second mini schnauzer. We got her the summer before I left for college. My parents got her for my brother since I was going off to school. I always like to joke that my parents got a dog to replace me. Chrissy is just about the sweetest dog you will ever meet. You can even see it in her eyes. She is gentle, loving, and loyal. Chrissy was with Tyler when he passed away. She laid down and never once left his side. Chrissy taught me that you never ever leave those you love. Even during the hardest and saddest times you stay by their side and support and love them til the very end. Whew. Tears. I love this dog so very much. 

Now time for some laughs. Meet Sully:

 Sully is our newest addition to our family and has stolen all of our hearts. I'm not going to lie, I was against getting Sully. I thought we had our hands full with enough other stuff and didn't need something else to care for. But the minute he was brought into our house, he has brought light and laughter. He is the biggest klutz I've ever met. I'm pretty sure he thinks he is either a border collie or a mini schnauzer. He leaps into the air to catch balls but then slams into the wall or cabinets or lands on his head and knocks himself out (true story). You will either see him sleeping with his tongue hanging out or going full speed playing or getting into any mischief he can find. Sully has taught me that you can bring a smile to someone's face just by being yourself. He has also taught me that I should always try to have as much fun as possible and that sleep is a really good thing.

Well, those are my dogs. They are a constant source of joy and I'm lucky to have three awesome ones!

Rejuvenate.

Here I am sitting on my one day this week with absolutely nothing to do (minus going to the dentist yuck) thinking about what I should accomplish today. What should I do to make it a productive day, thinking about the list I could make or the tasks that need to be completed eventually. 

The thing is though, I don't need to do anything today to count it as a productive day or a good day. That is so hard for me to remember. Especially when we live in this fast paced society where everyone is moving onward and upward so if you spend a day where you slow your pace down you feel way behind.

I know for me personally, things are about to get exceptionally busy when I start internship. And I feel like I have ants in my pants. As Charlotte referred to it last night, we're currently in the calm before the storm. In these next couple of weeks, I won't be very busy. I know they will be filled with nervousness and anticipation and me feeling like I should be doing something then reminding myself to enjoy it. I'm going to attempt to fill my days off with things I enjoy and doing it at my own pace. I need to rejuvenate myself and be at my best before I start a new chapter. Easier said than done.

I know it's hard to put the list down and ease up the pressure on yourself to constantly be productive but those free days are a gift and can be rare. Take advantage of them. Read a book for fun. Listen to music. Go for a walk by yourself without your phone and see where your mind wanders to. Take a bubble bath. Journal. Go meet and friend and have a long conversation. Most importantly do something you want to do or do nothing at all. That's O.K. Because the next day your schedule may be filled with mundane tasks you have to accomplish. Whether you have a whole day or just thirty minutes free, do something for yourself. Breathe, sit, relax (I think I may have stolen that from lululemon oops), take care of yourself. When we get so busy and bogged down with tasks we usually forget to take care of some of the most important people, ourselves.

Million Miles in a Thousand Years

So I just so happen to have a best friend who is an absolute bookworm. (I think she'll be ok with me saying that). Part of Emily's job is reading new books for her school. Needless to say she is a constant source of book recommendations. So, if you never need one, ask Emily Oliver. She'll help you out. When Emily came in town, she left me a list of books to read and one of them was Donald Miller's Million Miles in a Thousand Years. He is also the author of Blue Like Jazz. I absolutely love his writing style and his honest interpretation of the way he sees life.

I'm only 30% through the book (according to my kindle) but I already love it. I was reading it last night and one part really stuck out to me. Hang on because it's a little long but worth the read.

"We get robbed of the glory of life because we aren't capable of remembering how we got here. When you are born, you wake up slowly to everything. Your brain doesn't stop growing until you turn 26, so from birth to 26, God is slowly turning the lights on, and you're groggy and pointing at things saying circle and blue and car and then sex and job and healthcare. The experience is so slow you could easily come to believe life isn't that big of a deal, that life isn't staggering. What I'm saying is I think life is staggering and we're just used to it. We all are like spoiled children no longer impressed with the gifts we're given-it's just another sunset, just another rainstorm moving in other the mountain, just another child being born, just another funeral."


"If I have hope, it's that God sat over the dark nothing and wrote you and me specifically, into the story and put us in with the sunset and the rainstorm as though to say, Enjoy your place in my story. The beauty of it means you matter, and you can create within it even as I have created you.
I've wondered, though, if one of the reasons we fail to acknowledge the brilliance of life is because we don't want the responsibility inherent in the acknowledgement. We don't want to be characters in a story because characters have to move and breathe and face conflict with courage. And if life isn't remarkable, then we don't have to do any of that; we can be unwilling victims rather than grateful participants."

Wow. That really resonated with me. We get so used to seeing everyday things that it is easy for us to forget how remarkable even the little things in life are. Everything around us is a miracle because God chose to create everything that surrounds you. The hummingbird that can flap its wings so rapidly, that freckle on your nose, that ant crawling along the blade of grass. But I do think some of us get reminded of the majesty of life when big things happen. We take pictures of beautiful sunsets or views from the top of the mountain because in those moments we remember how small we are and how beautiful life can be. But I encourage you to take some time to think about Donald Miller's words.  Appreciate even the small things in life. And don't forget that you were put on this Earth for a purpose.  You are important, you have meaning. Don't go through the motions of life. Feel every experience and know that each experience is totally unique to you. Your life is special and different than anyone else's. We all have a different story to tell.  Is your story going the way you want it to? If not, change it. When you start living your life with a purpose then you start realizing how remarkable life can be.