Losing Inhibition

My mom taught me how to shake my booty. Literally. When I was little, my mom would turn on music and we would have dance parties in the kitchen where she taught me how to shake my hips. It is absolutely one of my favorite memories of growing up. Well, last night it finally worked out for my mom and I to take a zumba class together. I've done zumba a few times and I was telling my mom how much she would love it.

My mom has never taken a zumba class before. But halfway through the class she was picked out by the instructor and shakin it in the middle of the circle. Seeing her out there working it, it reminded me of a quality that I admire so much in my mom. It's also one that I'm insanely jealous of. Whatever she does, she does 100%. She doesn't care what anyone thinks of her. She dances like she's the only one in the room. She has absolute confidence in herself.

Man, that is something that just is hard for me. It's hard for me to dance without inhibition, like nobody is watching.  I don't know if it has anything to do with my shyness or if it's a fear of putting myself out there and not being right. Most likely it is a combination of both. I hope to improve upon it some. I had fun, but I think my mom had twice as much fun as I did. Maybe my mom and I will take our new moves to the club.

Probably not. We'll just have to save them for our kitchen dance parties.

Quote Friday

Not a real post today but I've come across some good quotes lately and I thought I would share them!

"Perhaps the symbol of this generation is the exercise bike. It represents what most have-excess weight. It represents what most want-to be different. It represents what most people spend most of their time doing-pedaling furiously and getting nowhere. High activity but low achievement. Car pools, diapers, bills, time clocks. Office walls painted gray with routine. House framed with wooden humdrum. For many, life is lived on the exercise bicycle. Day after day in the same seat, doing the same thing but seeing the same scenery. Is there any end to this tunnel of grayness? There is."
-Max Lucado
(Makes ya think huh?)

Happy Friday!!! Have wonderful weekend!

Be the Change.

I've had a kind of bizarre week. Here's a couple of stories for ya Ags (and non Ags)

If you know me well, you will know that I have a bad rep when it comes to driving. I used to drive aggressively and speed like a crazy person. Due to my commuting back and forth all the time, I've mellowed out. I realized that I'll get there when I get there. During the past couple of weeks, I've had a couple of frustrating driving incidents. I'll tell you one of the stories. I was driving down to Houston in the left lane. I was only going five over and I was in the middle of nowhere. Out of the blue, this truck came roaring up behind me and tailgating me. He is a middle aged man, balding, and in a button down surely there must be an emergency. He was flashing his lights and gesturing like a crazy person. I got over as soon as I could. Of course, he raced around me laughing. Well a little bit later, I was back in the left lane and I saw him going a bit slower in the right lane. As I started to pass him, he swerved into the left lane almost hit me and then got back over. I look over as I pass him and he's laughing manically and flips me off. I was shaken up and so what do I do when I'm shaken up? I call my mom and just cried a little bit. This was the second incident I've had recently where somebody nearly hits me on purpose and flips me off. It just blew my mind that people could be so cruel and endanger other people.

My second story is one that is humorous and frustrating at the same time. Today as I was walking in from Houston I bent down to see my dogs beside the pool. I set my stuff down as I standing back up, my phone fell into the pool. Yep, into the pool. The deep end. Everything moved in slow motion. I kicked off my shoes and jumped in after it. The pool is a tad bit chilly this time of year. My phone is currently sitting in a bag of rice (hopefully) drying out but the prognosis is not good.

Frustrating stuff.  I've really had to check my attitude. There's already so much negativity in this world. There's already unkind people. I can't add to it by gesturing back to the mean guy driving or let my phone ruin my day. I'm trying really hard. It's not easy. I'm  attempting to remind myself of the sayings "Kill them with kindness" "Be the change you wish you see in the world" "What's the worst that could happen?" There are going to be mean people in this world and people that cause harm but I can counteract it by attempting to be kind and adjusting my attitude. I'll admit, it's a work in progress because I may or may not be currently drinking a glass of wine and pouting over my phone.

Splurging and Purging

Writing that title, I realized it sounds like an eating disorder when in fact I was speaking metaphorically.   Today was a hectic day. The advocacy center is moving buildings so instead of seeing clients we were packing up boxes all day. Then I get home and guess what I get to do? Pack up my room because we're getting new flooring in the house.

Let me tell you, I'm a bit of a pack rat. My dad said that my room clean up should have been filmed for an audition tape for hoarders. I mean I knew my room was crowded but I liked my stuff. (Plus, when you're a starving graduate student you try to cram all of your stuff into your room until you finally have a job and get your own place.) I didn't want to take the time to reorganize. Organizing along with crafts  are not on my list for "fun things to do" but sometimes you just gotta do what ya gotta do.

 My room is officially organized and ready for new flooring and only one box fell on my head as I was trying to lift it to the top shelf of my closet. All in all it was a successful day.

I gotta tell you though, manual labor is not my forte. I am exhausted. I decided since I worked so hard, I deserved a little treat so I went up to Kroger and bought a pint of ice cream. Now, I had the full intention of only eating a third of that pint. I've been successful in the past at this. Tonight I was not successful. I looked down and realized I ate the entire thing. OOPS.

Hence, splurging and purging. And I'm ok with it. One pint of ice cream won't define me. It just can't become a habit. Part of loving myself is realizing that I'm going to mess up or do silly things but it can't ruin my day. A box falling on my head or eating a pint of ice cream isn't the worst thing that could happen to me today. Not even close.

God Nods

So my family has this term called God Nods. We got the term from a book we read after Tyler passed away called Have Heart. (http://haveheart.net) Excellent book to read anytime but especially when you're grieving. In this book, they came up with this term called God Nods. Here is Have Heart's definition of God Nods:

"A God Nod is affirmation and direction. It's God affirming that you are on His radar and have not been forgotten. It is God directing you to pay attention and look deeper. It is God saying, "check this out." With that being said, be on the lookout for God Nods. They'll be happening when you least expect them. They bring healing. Don't miss them."

My family has experienced different God Nods when it comes to Tyler. My dreams that I posted about a while ago are what I would call a God Nod. Of course, I believe God Nods can happen to anyone regardless of their situation. 

The other day, my dad and I were going through stuff in the office to donate to Mission Arlington. I found my old laptop and I opened it up to make sure all my personal info was off of it and I found this quote taped on it:

"Now is your time. Become, believe, try. Walk closely with people you love and with other people who believe that God is very good and life is a grand adventure. Don't spend time with people who make you feel like less than you are. Don't get stuck in the past and don't try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven't yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life's path."

In the midst of wrapping things up at my internship, job hunting, studying for the NCE, I was only looking to the future. I found this quote right when I needed it most. In the coming months, my life will be filled with all sorts of changes but I need to stay present, trust myself, keep good friends and family close, and let God's plan unfold. I hope you can begin to look for God Nods in your life. They are that glimpse of sunshine you need on a cloudy day. 

New Year.

Well, I told myself I would not do the obligatory New Year's post. Yet, here I am doing just that. I just can't believe it's 2013 already. And I'm not going to lie, I am a  little sad to see 2012 go. I feel like in 2012 I found my rhythm. 2011 was crappy and a whirlwind and I had no direction.

2012 was steady for me. Something I desperately needed after 2011. Early 2012, I figured out who I wanted to be and have attempted to go be it ever since. I absolutely fell in love with my career and began to gain experience working with clients.

I was flipping through my journal last night and I came across my entry from January of 2012. In that entry I had written words that were going to inspire me in 2012. Here they are

Deep breaths
Trusting
Relaxing
Breathing
Becoming
Growing
Loving myself
Dreaming
Remembering
Creating

Like any good resolutions I was able to keep some more than others. And as 2013 gets under way I hope to let them continue to inspire me in 2013. I have to admit, 2012 had a predictability to it that I loved and needed. 2013 is a vast unknown. Who knows where I will work/live/do in the coming year. And that freaks me out. I think 2012 helped to prepare me for it though and I know I'm ready to face the unknown. Who knows where I'll go but I know I'll end up where I need to be.