Yet, I'm frustrated July is still hard. I'm frustrated that I have to spend a few weeks with my emotions being on edge and navigating family interactions that are hard. My anger returns that Tyler was taken too soon and sadness knowing that my life is continuing on without him physically present. I'm frustrated that I feel like a burden on my core people because I am sad.
Because July is still hard.
And that's ok.
My last post, I wrote about how happy I was. And I still am. I have transitioned into a happy and joy-filled season in my life and I am so thankful for that. I know that is not a small thing. I worked on what I could and tried my best to have faith in the rest. But July is still hard and I am still sad. And that's ok. In an attempt to help with the sadness, I am going to write out truths that I know.
1. My grief has evolved and changed over the years and will continue to do so.
2. It is absolutely normal to experience sadness more often this month. It means I had a wonderful, special relationship with Tyler.
3. It's ok to lean on my people a little harder this month. They are my people because they have been with me and stuck it out and I know that they will be there for me no matter what.
4. It's ok to mentally prepare myself for July. It's ok to take off work on the 15th and practice extra self care this month.
5.Just like Tyler said, he is always with me. He's there in fun memories or sharing about him to others. Or in a song on the radio or in God nods I receive from time to time. He won't ever be forgotten.
6. And last but definitely not least, God is faithful. Even in the worst of times and even if I was still in a season of sadness, He is faithful. He brings peace. He is my ultimate Hope.
Grieving is hard. And it stinks. But I am so thankful I had a such a sweet relationship with my brother that makes grieving hard. I wouldn't trade our fun memories for anything in the world.
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