So I overanalyze most things. It's a problem. Not
just overanalyze I also over think things. For example, if you normally text me
with smiley faces and emojis and then one day you don't, I might think to
myself..."Oh no! I wonder if I did something? Are they mad at me?"
and of course 9 times out of 10 they just typed something to me quickly and
meant nothing by it.
I tell you this because I've been doing it a lot
lately with Tyler's birthday coming up on Saturday. I have not really discussed
my grieving process on this blog mainly because my grief was so intensely
personal and private to me. And that's ok. And I've grieved for my brother and
if you consider losing my brother like a wound, I feel as though I have enough
scar tissue that it doesn't hurt as bad anymore. I consider that healing taking
place.
These past few days when I have talked to family
members they say that Saturday (Tyler's birthday) will be hard. So of course I
start overanalyzing and think, "Man, I'm not feeling super sad. I was
looking forward to going out to the cemetery and spending the day with family.
Should I be sadder? What's wrong with me?" So on and so forth.
And in these moments, I have to step back and
remind myself of the truths I know. I know I miss my brother incredibly much. I
know that I have random sad days and just because I'm not sad on his birthday
does not make me a bad sister or love him any less. I know that he wouldn't
want me to be sad. I know that he's in a place where there is no more sadness, brokenness,
or hurting. And I also know that my journey is different than everyone else's.
I know that my grief is different than theirs and I cannot overanalyze or over
think it. I need to trust the process. And most importantly, I know that I'm
healing and growing and I couldn't ask for more.
So if you yourself are grieving or know someone that is, I encourage not
to compare and not to over think it. Just be supportive. Love them where
they're at in their journey, and trust that the Lord is healing their heart the
way it needs to be healed for them uniquely. Most importantly, have faith in
the journey. Because everyone's is different.
